She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
