WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
