dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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