This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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