My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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