i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
