You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
