im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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