I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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