You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
