I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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