i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
