the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
