I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
