I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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