sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
