Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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