she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
