just tell him i said nine months
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
