i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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