If i come over, it means nothing
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
