Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
