girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
