I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
