I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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