Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
