I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
