I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
