On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
