I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
