I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize