highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
