How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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