You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
