In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
