The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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