I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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