I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
