we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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