Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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