girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
