Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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