I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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