I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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