he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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