So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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