I hope mine doesn't look like that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize