someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
