I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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