Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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