I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
