If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think your dad took our porno
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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