I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
