He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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