i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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