i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
