R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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