He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
