god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
