Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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