You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
