I cannot find my penis.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
