i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
