Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
