ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
