Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
