you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
