I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
