I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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