so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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