please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
