She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
