he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
