Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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