i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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