a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
