I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
