You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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