She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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