oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
organizing the empties. That sober.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
